Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
false alarm. still invincible.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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