this beer tastes like vomit already
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
