I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
