there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
