If i come over, it means nothing
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Randomize
