Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
