Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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