Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He did a backflip because drugs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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