I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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