what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
