so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
