Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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