so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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