wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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