I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
