What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
