New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
