I just cut my nipple shaving
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
