More tranny stories later!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
