Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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