sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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