you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
