I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
