Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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