I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
