Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
