There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
