fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
