the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
