I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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