I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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