I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
