I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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