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• (313): View more from Michigan

  4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  "women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy

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• (954): View more from Florida

  a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube

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  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (818): View more from California

  Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius

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• (212): View more from New York

  You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.

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• (323): View more from California

  There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream

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• (850): View more from Florida

  You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.

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