4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.