The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.