the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
