I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Enjoy the penises
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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