why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
