...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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