so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
