Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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