hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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