i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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