I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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