i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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