I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
