Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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