I have demons in me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
