she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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