thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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