I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
