Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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