What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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