i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
