would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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