ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Houston, we have a blender
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
