why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
