Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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