guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
