She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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