i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
