i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize