my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
