After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
