I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so explain again why im purple
no
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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