Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
