I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
