Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
