You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
