If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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