Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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