OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
