I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
