She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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